Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
