The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
