Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
