Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We are all done wearing pants today
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
