the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
