She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize