??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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