my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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