I like to think it a success when the cops are called
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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