i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
