what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
