God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
