I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
