There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
