Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
