You can't motorboat a personality
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
