I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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