I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
