Cold hands, warm shart.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
