Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
