Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
