Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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