I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
