She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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