im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
soo... how was my night?
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