just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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