yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I believe in your delicious
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