Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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