At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
