Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
