Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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