I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
