this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
