I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
im holly from the hills drunk
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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