After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
