I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
