I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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