I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
