You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
