YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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