I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
