I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
