I heard we made out
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
