I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
