Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
