It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
