Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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