hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
