Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
