I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
