You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Randomize
