imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
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