No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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