i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
