3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
