Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
