Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
