I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
