he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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