i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
