everyone is single if you try hard enough
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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