Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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