ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
