my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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