i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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