I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
