oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
