i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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