just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
