see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
