Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
