from now on my penis is your penis
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
